One two three...
    One two three...
       Officer Damon Stevens counted his steps. It was his first day off since Harvest was recaptured. "I love you, Honey," he said into her eyes.
    "HA! What a psyco!" BAM the needles exploded.
    It was now, during his death that Stevens realized he had been kissing a Grunt, and worse, it seemed he was "getting tongue". Oh well...
    The Grunt danced better anyway...

    BAM! Sargent Stevens went down after having a strange grapple with a Grunt. Corporal Harrison was now in charge of the doomed fleet, #1920257, RETARD DIVISION.
    Harrison mowed down Covenant relentlessly with the "600 Cabilur" squirtgun.
    An Elite stopped and laughed at him, only to find a face full of water.
    "I kick all your butt-holes!" Harrison screamed. "Die you crud-heads!" The last of the retards around Harrison died in a boom.
    "Oh, poopy!" Harrison yelled.
    A grunt laughed and shot him.
    Harrison went for cover behind a cell phone.
    "BOOM!" Harrison said.
    Boom Harrison went as he pulled the grenade and threw the pin.
    The Master Chief laughed as the last retard blew the s*** out of himself. Why did they recruit retatds anyway?
    There was an explosion as a jackhammer went off. This killed the last of the Covenant.
    Area Secured.
    They set camp for the night.
    After guard duty, the Chief came to his tent. He touched a button on a small electronic device. Cortana appeared. He marveled again at her sexy figure.
    And at her ability to make him forget about it.
    "I need a casualty list for the fight."
    "FINE, just shut the f*** up."
    He loved it when she talked dirty...
    "No injuries, 14 lossed us, 25 losses them," Cortana said. "Now leave, d*** it!" She disappeared.
    Strange, Chief thought, they always have an even number, a Covenant must be hiding. He left to go search.

    One hour later, he returned, having found nothing. "I won't sleep until I'm satisfied," he said.
    A nearby Marine handed him some lotion and a magazine. "Here you go, Sir!" he yelled.
    The Chief, disgusted, threw the magazine in the fire.
    He pocketed the lotion, just in case.
    Just then he heard a thrashing sound from inside the command text.     The Covenant!
    He raced to the tent, pulled out a pistol, and ran in.     He fired two shots without thinking, and killed both the Jackal and the naked Marine on top, each one shot in the heart.
    "A Marine having sex with a Jackal?!? My God!" Chief thought out loud. "I'll kill them all!" he said, then thought, that would be mutiny.
    Who cares.

    Less then five minutes later, Mastrer Chief reentered his lone tent. He pressed the button, finally at peace.
    "The ususal, Cortana."
    "Fine," she asaid as a picture of himself came up.
    He grabbed the lotion and relaxed...

    John woke up.
    He HAS to stop eating dairy after 9:30...


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